The Mountain Is You: Identifying Your Emotional Triggers

[Pesso]

Hey Square Readers,

As we’re getting into reading The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest, let’s get deeper into the material. Last week we talked about the first two chapters of the book, covering why and how self-sabotage happens. 

This week we’re diving into Chapter 3, figuring out what triggers our negative emotional response and our self-sabotage cycle.  

“On the surface, it seems as though the thing that triggers our emotional response is the problem. It is not. The problem is that we don’t know what to do with how we feel and therefore do not have all of the emotional processing skills that we need. When we can identify why something is triggering us, we can use the experience as a catalyst for a release and positive life change.”

The author explains self-sabotage can help us learn and heal. It’s important to understand what our negative emotions are, where they stem from, and how they contribute. The author describes the negative emotions most strongly connected to self-sabotage being: anger, sadness, guilt, embarrassment, jealousy, resentment, regret, and chronic fear. 

“The things that are bothering you most right now are not external forces trying to torture you for the sake of it—they are your own mind identifying what in your life can be fixed, changed, and transformed… Within our self-sabotaging behaviors lies incredible wisdom. Not only can they tell us how and what we have been traumatized by, they can also show us what we really need. Embedded within each self-sabotaging behavior is actually the key to unlock it, if only we can understand it first.”

Along with this, the author gives a lot of examples of self-sabotage and what they might be trying to show you underneath it all. 

“Your instinct doesn’t exist to ensure you feel comfortable and ecstatic at all hours of the day. It moves you toward what you’re meant to do, because it shows you where your interests, skills, and desires intersect… If you want to master your life, you have to learn to organize your feelings. By becoming aware of them, you can trace them back to the thought process that prompted them, and from there you can decide whether or not the idea is an actual threat or concern, or a fabrication of your reptilian mind just trying to keep you alive.”

The author also breaks down what she defines as the difference between Intuition and Fear.

The root is that intuition is in the present moment, and presents as quiet, subtle, logical pulls. Meanwhile intrusive thoughts are loud, hectic, irrational, lead to fear and panic about the future. 

“When you start listening to yourself, you might find it hard to tell the difference between thoughts that are helpful and intuitive, and thoughts that are damaging and intrusive. They both function similarly—they are immediate, reactive, and offer some kind of previously unseen insight—and yet they function so completely differently in practice.”

She wraps up this chapter with the importance of not only understanding all of this, but to start putting it into action, and working to break through the cycle to fully meet your needs.

“Understanding your needs, meeting the ones you are responsible for, and then allowing yourself to show up so others can meet the ones you can’t do on your own will help you break the self-sabotage cycle and build a healthier, more balanced and fulfilling life.”

We’d love to hear your answer in the comments:

• What negative emotions do you tend to feel connected to self-sabotage?
• Think back to one example of self sabotage you’ve had – what wisdom is there and what may it be trying to tell you?
• When have you felt the pull of intuition versus the push of fear? How can you tell the difference?

Feel free to share any other thoughts you have about this book. We can’t wait to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

Don’t forget to:

• View and Subscribe to all threads about this book
• RSVP to our Live Discussion

Happy reading,

Pesso

[DinaLRosenberg]

I've been thinking a lot about emotional regulation lately and just how awful we've become at it as a society. It's as if we allow every intrusive thought or feeing to spill out into the world, demanding they be given attention and understanding, but never stopping to understand any one else's trigger as well.

We're never mad at what we THINK we're mad at. For example, if a customer is rude to us.. and you catch yourself getting a little too affected by it, perhaps it's something more. Perhaps you have a history of being unheard and the customer being rude triggered that in you.

It's not just identifying those triggers .. it really has everything to do with the emotional processing. I often ask myself when I'm feeling "big feelings": is this emotional response appropriate. If it is, great! But- don't just talk yourself into "if I feel it, it must be true.".

Most people I know have no problem justifying their over-the-top, bombastic reaction. Often, those people with big reactions have little ability to deal with and have empathy for others with big emotions. 

If you find yourself constantly triggered by situations that are related, perhaps that's an invitation to find a therapist you connect with so you can work through the triggers and master them once and for all.

As Jung stated, "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

[maxpete]

Love your perspective on this and I resonate with it a lot! Definitely digging deeper in your feelings by going to therapy or even just doing some reflection exercises can make a world of difference. Always a work in progress, but being able to recognize this helps so much. 

[DinaLRosenberg]

thanks..

with everything going on in the world I've been incredibly self reflective. My goal is to have mastery over my emotions.

[Pesso]

Thank you so much for diving in here, @DinaLRosenberg ! 

It's so wonderful that you've been thinking about and working through this too. The next chapter of the book (and my next post) is all about emotional intelligence, so you're right on track.

I totally agree. It can absolutely be overwhelming to see so many folks without solid emotional regulation, but it definitely makes sense since mental health in this way hasn't really been part of the conversation for a long time. I know that I've been horrible at it in the past, and have been working through to improve in the last bunch of years. I completely agree with you -- taking that pause and doing some deep self-awareness and reflection and not just reacting in the moment when feelings come up is sooo important. Constantly being triggered is no good for the person or everyone else, and work definitely needs to be done to avoid that. Therapy is huge for this and highly recommended!

[CareyJo]

This chapter is much more thought provoking for me and not easy to answer.  I have to ruminate on this one.  It's hard to hear that we have to learn emotional intelligence and get a grasp on it, especially when we feel otherwise intelligent and when we've reached a certain age.  But like I say, we learn something new everyday.

I think fear and anxiety are the most common emotions for me to feel but I still need to work on this.

I've been led by my intuition for decades.  Like all of my adult life.  I've known for a very long time to trust it and that it's usually right.  It rarely steers me wrong.  So I can definitely tell the difference between it and fear.  Fear is basically and overwhelming scream in my face, if you will, that instantly holds me back from something.  A person, a situation, a risk, a spider... lol.  My intuition is always calm, clear and says.... uh... I don't think that's the right course for you or that person's not safe or there's something about this that doesn't feel quite right, you need to back off.  My intuition has always been so strong that I can instantaneously tell when I'm in the presence of another person who is not good for me to be around.  My caution flag goes up, I am careful but polite and keep my distance.  The next time I see that person, same thing.  Unless and until they prove me wrong, the flag never comes down.  After two or three forced interactions with that person, I'm like... nope.  I'm done.  And it has always been right.

[Pesso]

It's a tough one for sure, @CareyJo ! 

It definitely was a weird wakeup call for me when I first learned about the term, and it's easy to take it as a slight to find out if it's something to be worked on -- but I've learned to see it as a positive and a new opportunity to work on and improve myself. 

That's so wonderful that your intuition has steered you well for so long and that you have a firm grasp on the difference between it and fear. That's a really hard distinction for a lot of folks! Thanks for sharing that, and it's definitely helping me to hear that and look out for those signs.