The Mountain Is You: Have you Self-Sabotaged?

[Pesso]

Hey Square Readers,

Welcome to another round of the Square Readers Book Club! Today we’re starting our next book, The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest!

This book is all about self-sabotage: the big and little ways that we prevent ourselves from doing and getting what we want. It dives into uncovering the reasons why, and working to change so we can break through them, in order to live a better life and run a better business.

While not all of the book is directly about running a business, it is very applicable to business owners and can help improve our relationships with our businesses. Self-sabotage can happen very often in business, when you as a business owner are often the only person responsible for getting things done. When it’s all on your shoulders, it’s easy to subconsciously stop yourself from doing the things that need to get done. 

As we start reading the book, let’s kick off our conversations with a baseline of your experiences with self-sabotage and what the impact of it was for you.

We’re gonna get into some pretty deep territory with this book, so thanks for being open to getting vulnerable! 

So let’s talk:

• Have you ever self-sabotaged? If you’d like, share a business or personal situation. 
• How did it affect you or your business?
• How do you break through situations like this?

For some extra fun, share a selfie of you with the book here in the comments! 

Don’t forget to:

• View and Subscribe to all threads about this book
• RSVP to our Live Discussion

Happy reading,

Pesso

[Pesso]

Here’s my own business example of self-sabotage, from when I was running my ice cream shop:

For the longest time I knew that I should create more videos for social media. I knew that videos do really well, and that it would help us get more attention and traffic to the store. I made a couple of videos for one occasion, but after that I found myself just avoiding making that kind of content for a few years. I may or may not have realized it at the time, but I was avoiding putting myself out there out of being overly self-conscious and worried that people wouldn’t like it or me. Even though I knew that most people would respond positively and I knew it would be a good thing for the business, I still never took that step to do it, I held myself back, and self-sabotaged some potential extra business success. 

[BrianaJo]

I feel this right now. This is me. I know videos for coffee do really well. It's a whole vibe, people love it. But I cannot bring myself to make the videos. My husband is old school and doesn't care about or do social media at all. I see the value in it but it's a little bit of imposter syndrome since my husband's the one that has all the coffee know-how, not me, and my photography and filming skills are pretty lacking. So there are multiple hurdles to jump and I end up saying well "Oh well maybe tomorrow I'll try again" and tomorrow never comes. Self-sabo'd holding myself back.

[Pesso]

Thanks for sharing, @BrianaJo -- 

Coffee videos are absolutely a vibe that folks love! The imposter syndrome is real too, and when you're not comfortable or confident in your content creation ability, that can totally hold someone back. 

I do think we're our own worst critics, and the things you make will be better than you think, and the more you do it, the better you'll get. I say go for it and see what folks say! 

How will you break through it?

[CareyJo]

Feel that.  Been there.  We can't do vids or pics of our clients, so I don't use them in social media much but one of the things I'm best at is procrastination!  I've had to work very hard over the last 30+ years in business to push myself out of my comfort zone and get things done, without really knowing why I didn't want to do them.  Hindsight is always 20-20.  If I knew then what I know now, my/our previous businesses would have been vastly different.  I'm looking forward to using this book to help me identify some of those old things so that I can work through them.  Avoidance is big for me.  But when I ignore it and do the work, stuff gets done and I feel accomplished! 

[Pesso]

That's a good point, @CareyJo -- hopefully you can get pictures and videos of before & afters, and maybe if you ask for consent some of your clients might be up for being featured -- with a testimonial or something else. 

It's definitely a constant push out of the comfort zone and pushing through avoidance and procrastination. That feeling of accomplishment is definitely a big incentive for me!

What did you learn along the way and what would have been different?

[CareyJo]

I learned that the success of my business and my ability to meet deadlines was dependent on me and no one else.  And not in a shaming way but in a way that says, "Hey, if you don't get up and get this done, no one else will and then what will happen?"

I learned that I had to find new ways to motivate myself to move forward, to accomplish things and get things done.

I learned that other people were depending on my ability to follow through timely, in order to make my business a success.  If I don't do my books, my CPA can't do my taxes.  If she can't do my taxes, I'm in trouble.  If I'm in trouble, my business is a burden, not a success, etc.

I learned that I had to truly focus on WORKING from home and not SAYING I work from home.  I had t reason with myself that I ACTUALLY had to do the work.  It won't get done otherwise.

I also learned what it felt like to accomplish something, to get that feeling that it's done and I did it!

[Pesso]

There's are all such great learnings, @CareyJo , thanks for sharing as always!

I love that a lot of these revolve around motivation. That's so true -- it can be a lot of pressure to know that you're the only one who can and will get things done -- both in a good way and in a potentially stressful way.

Loving all of this and rooting for your continued success and increased motivations all around-

[CareyJo]

What's funny is that now that I've read 4 chapters, I'm passed the point where she mentions that we literally just have to take action.  We have to force ourselves to feel uncomfortable and get things done, even when we don't want to.  When I read that I thought, "Wow!  I did that!"  But now I need to do more.....

[Pesso]

It is a heck a of a thing that the solution is to just push through and do it. It totally makes sense but it's the hardest thing! I'm glad it's resonating and that you've done it and want to keep doing it!

[maxpete]

Love this subject so much! Thinking back to when I ran my own business, I definitely got in my own way a lot. A big one for me was not charging more even though I knew I had to. I kept telling myself that I would lose clients and not being able to find more and because of this, business sort of plateaued for a while. 

🍿@MudFire_Dex & @CareyJo 

[Pesso]

Thanks for sharing, @maxpete -- that's a big and very common one! Scarcity mindset of customers combined with pricing fears is a perfect storm for a business. 

Were you able to break out of that at any point?

[maxpete]

Agreed! I was able to a bit, but also through this process I realized that being a business owner wasn't for me, which led me here! 🙂 

[Pesso]

That's definitely another way to get through it! So glad you're here-

[CareyJo]

I have struggled with the idea of charging what I'm worth if/when I ever get my next business off the ground.  In this one, we charge a competitive price within the market we're in.  I've been wanting to go up $25/hr but my husband keeps saying no.  I think I'm going to have to push him at little at the end of the year to realize we have to.  Costs are just too high.  We haven't raised since 2022 and before that it was the same since we opened in 2017.

I struggle with knowing whether or not what I value my time at is what clients will value my time at.  In other words, if I think I'm worth $50/hr do they think I'm worth $30?  What I have learned through my years and the books we've read here, is that I have to set that in my mind in the beginning so that when I introduce it to my new clients, it's a fact, not an option.  This is what I charge.  This is what I do.  This is the value you get from me.  I think in all reality, we have to convince ourselves more than our clients!!!

[Pesso]

It's sooo hard to take the leap to charge more, @CareyJo ! Absolutely stay on top of both what your costs are and what you deserve to earn based on the tremendous value and differentiation you provide. 

While it's hard to be able to tell what value your clients will assign -- you do have a business to run and also deserve to make more money, especially in a position like yours where you're constantly fully booked, get almost nothing but rave reviews, go so far above and beyond, and just care so much. It's worth a shot to experiment and see what happens. You can always lower your prices if you go too far high -- but also as you've said, you have to turn down clients anyway, so charging a bit more probably won't reduce the amount of work you end up doing! But I'd bet that you won't lose anyone at all because of your reputation. 

It's definitely a lot of convincing ourselves that we're worth it! Developing that confidence is huge and then projecting it in the way you're talking about. You got this! You're worth it!

[CareyJo]

Thanks for the vote of confidence!!

[MudFire_Dex]

So many examples of this come to mind. One big one was empathy and how over-empathizing can affect business and also play into scarcity mindset. In my first business selling supplies I had a connection to the customers who needed supplies (school teachers with a lack of funding and support, students, artists trying to make it on their own) and I over-discounted the products and we also often operated with scarcity after doing so - holding onto money instead of reinvesting in inventory led to a slow-down of our ability to restock and supply the customers who were supporting us. There were other nefarious factors at play from a competitor that led to our closure but ultimately I had to learn that profit wasn't a bad thing and didn't actually mean that I wasn't helping. We are profitable at MudFire and that allows us to create free and low-cost spaces while others pay full price. It isn't an either/or. 

At MudFire I relate pretty hard to what you are saying Pesso - I have had so much reluctance to participate in social media and that is really not a great thing for business. Still working on that one! 

[Pesso]

Thanks so much for sharing this, @MudFire_Dex !

That is such a powerful lesson to learn. Your business making a profit and "winning" doesn't mean that others aren't still being helped and are "losing." A business needs to be profitable, and it can absolutely do good at the same time! I'm so glad that you were able to work through this and create such an incredible business that does both consistently! So happy for y'all! 

The social media thing is a really hard thing to break through. Especially with the internet sometimes being the cesspool of hate that it is, it's so hard to put yourself out there. I'm suuuper self conscious as it is, so it's hard to do -- and while there will always be haters, there will be soo many more who appreciate and love what you're doing, and it can be worth it! Rooting for ya either way! 

[CareyJo]

Yes.  In the beginning, after being away from self-employment for quite some time, I was extremely UN-motivated to do my work and make this business happen.  Although it was born out of necessity, the same as the last one, we genuinely wanted to do things different right from the start and make this business a huge success and thank God, we have done that.  BUT... that being said, I was not about running it at the time or making things happen.

I was in the workforce part time at that time, I still had a child at home, we had new grandchildren, there was just STUFF.  Also... I was older.  Physically, mentally and emotionally.  I had gone through a lot of changes in the years between our businesses and I didn't realize at the time that I had a severe lack of energy because of those changes.  I would sit at my desk like a void.  Just completely blank, staring into space, not getting anything done.  Everything was stacking up and I was letting it.  I didn't know it at the time but I was sabotaging myself.  I thought it was going to be like last time, even though we didn't want it to be.  I was unhappy last time.  I didn't want to be blamed for the failure if it failed, but I didn't want to take action to make it successful because I was so overwhelmed.  Things were very different in those other years and I guess I didn't really believe we would be different.  Instead of addressing the fact that I was overwhelmed and making the necessary changes I needed, I took on all the blame of not getting things done.  I only see this now and looking back wonder why I didn't want to take action, what was I thinking that I needed to sabotage it for?  But I do know that after a couple of years of growing by leaps and bounds and realizing that it wasn't going to go away, I had to do something.  I had to get my act together and make it work and I found out that part of my problem was aging and that I needed to address that to improve my health so I could be better at my job.  I started making changes and implemented the systems that I have now, I worked hard to get caught up and stay there and I made changes in my health and it made all the difference!

I think that answers questions 1 and 2.  As far as 3 goes - I think it depends on the individual scenario.  Going back to the Start With Why - we can look at the problem and think backwards.  Here's where we are, this is broken, how do we fix it?  Looking at the problem and finding where the breakdown is, allows us to look at the solutions in a constructive way and move forward.

[Pesso]

Thank you so much for sharing all of this and getting deep, @CareyJo !

That fear of failure, and instead wanting to build something better but still being worried that it would end up the same, is so real and absolutely paralyzing. I'm so glad that you had that awakening and broke through that self-sabotage to better yourself and your business. That's so huge and I'm so happy for you that it's been working out! You should be so proud of yourself for having that realization moment and making those changes!